Science + Marriage = Happy

Better marriage you say?

Septmeber's SciAm reviews a book in which science reviews good marriages.

I'm all for science and equations and formulas, but using science in relationships??

HELL YEAH.
(If you honestly thought I would say otherwise you may have confused me with someone else. Please check your browser and try again.)

I think people can learn a lot simply by listening to statistics and accepting the fact that in no way is their relationship special. If you meet the criteria for a high-risk marriage. You're going to get a divorce. Sorry. Look at the data. If you're having trouble communicating do some research, figure out why your communication skills are non-functional.
I'm pretty cut and dry when I communicate. I don't do this, "say one thing and hope you get my meaning." When I want something I'll use this algorithm.
"Will you please do A, while I do B? Later we can do C together."
Or
"I really appreciate how you always do A for me, can you do B as well? I just can't right now."

Being both ENTJ and a geek makes social interactions imperative and difficult! I love being around people its how I re-energize, but missing those social cues can make it awkward. I love to talk, but not really about the weekend. Maybe if we were discussing something like this. I'd listen better.

Wow, off topic a bit.
Back to marriage.
Before John and I hitched it we were very rational about things. I'm talking in high school. I was 15 and we had known each other 3 months when things started getting a little... well, several notes were written back and forth. I sat him down and told him I don't date stupid. The truth was I didn't date at all. I had never had a boyfriend (whats the point pre-16?) and didn't really want a long list. I wanted to know if he was ok marrying me because that was the end result of dating. Why put forth the effort if that wasn't your goal?
Turns out it was.
I feel like we were really married about year 3 in our dating. We were a bit older, less infatuated, and more logical with our decisions. We knew we were going to get married, we just weren't old enough.

Before we legally were married. We took some personality tests. I love personality tests. I always try to pinpoint people's Myers-Briggs so I know how to interact with them. I especially like when they know what the hell I'm talking about when I ask for it. Geek cred +2 at least.
John and I took the Taylor-Johnson Temperament Profile.
This one scales 9 personality traits.
Nervous-composed,
depressive-light-hearted
active-quiet
expressive-inhibited
sympathetic-indifferent
subjective-objective
dominate-submissive
hostile-tolerant
self-disciplined-impulsive
We did them for ourselves and then guessed at the others.
In overlapping the two here's what we had.

The red ink is John's self-assessment and the black is my assessment of John.
In this one the black is my self-assessment and the red is John's assessment of me.

Pretty good for two 20 year old kids. (I might have even been 19...)

It felt good to know that we knew each other pretty well. We try to communicate and identify why we have breakdowns in communication. Most of the time it's because we're hungry, so we eat and try again. Amazing how well this can solve a conflict. I always try to think of what my overall goal is. Is it more important to get my way or to stay happy?

Also I don't think of myself as John's Wife. That's a possessive statement. I don't think of him as MY husband. He's his own person. Instead I think of myself as his companion and he mine. I'm around to help him through his life. Neither one of us own the other. (This is my biggest issue with the "legalities" of marriage. It's techinically property ownership.) I will help him to the best of my ability, but it's all out of my will to do so, not because I have to.

Also, we're both very tolerant of each other. In fact I encourage him to talk about other women he finds attractive. I mean, lets be real people. Other people exist. Other people are pretty. We don't have to hide this fact from each other. I don't get mad when he looks at other girls or likes them. I like to talk about it. Find out why. What do you see about that person you like? What in talking with that girl do you enjoy? It helps me know more about him. I believe people need multiple companions to get through life. They can be anyone. In fact, I encouraged him to get a "school wife" in medschool. He needs someone he can talk to that knows EXACTLY what he's going through. I didn't care if this person was male or female, but I'm glad he's got a girl who can be just empathetic enough to deal with him. (You know who you are and you have my eternal gratitude. I cannot always be there for him and I am so glad you're sharing weight!)

So in all this rambling mess I mean to say.

Use science, use logic, but understand that people are crazy.