I think I'm getting inspired by rdfraiser's website Nursing Ideas
He makes videos interviewing nurses. I like it. Maybe I could start working on some sort of video biography of nurses. I know I had talked about making skills videos. I'm still interested in doing that, just looking for an outlet to get that done through (I don't actually have the supplies just laying around!)
I don't know, I just want something cool to do. I'm scared once I'm done with school I might get bored just sitting around.
Friday, April 24, 2009
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Late Entry- Wednesday April 22
Yet again, I have been lazy.
Well, I don't get my blog time on Wednesdays. Ewiggen and I get home at the same time and I hate sitting on the computer when we could do stuff together. So here was yesterday's experience, and boy oh boy it was.
First good bit of the day. I got to stop someone's heart with adenosine.
Good times. He called the ambulance for Supraventricular Tachycardia and the EMS gave him some on the way over. So we monitored him then sent him home. Four hours later, he came back. So we monitored him again. Right as he was leaving he asked for me to check his pulse. I grabbed his wrist, but couldn't get a good reading, so I hooked him back up to the pulse oximiter.
247 bpm.
That's a little fast. So we hooked him back up to all the monitors and warmed up the difibrilator, started yet another Iv (third stick of the day), and pushed some adenosine. It was fun. To be honest, it was the first time I got to see a cardioversion. I liked it.
I will say it again, preceptors make all the difference. The day seems to drag on when you get a poor preceptor and speed by when you have a good one.
Just in case anyone reading this ever gets the chance to be a preceptor. I'll give you a few tips.
Communicate well. Don't antagonize or baby your shadow. Speak directly and give directions. The person is shadowing you because they've never done what you're doing before. Teach them the BEST way to do something, not the way you do it or the fastest way. Do things according to the hosptial's policy. Explain as you go, or explain before and let them do it. Always be encouraging. And number one rule I would say. Don't ever leave them alone.
Not that I'm ranting for a particular reason.
Well, I don't get my blog time on Wednesdays. Ewiggen and I get home at the same time and I hate sitting on the computer when we could do stuff together. So here was yesterday's experience, and boy oh boy it was.
First good bit of the day. I got to stop someone's heart with adenosine.Good times. He called the ambulance for Supraventricular Tachycardia and the EMS gave him some on the way over. So we monitored him then sent him home. Four hours later, he came back. So we monitored him again. Right as he was leaving he asked for me to check his pulse. I grabbed his wrist, but couldn't get a good reading, so I hooked him back up to the pulse oximiter.
247 bpm.
That's a little fast. So we hooked him back up to all the monitors and warmed up the difibrilator, started yet another Iv (third stick of the day), and pushed some adenosine. It was fun. To be honest, it was the first time I got to see a cardioversion. I liked it.
I will say it again, preceptors make all the difference. The day seems to drag on when you get a poor preceptor and speed by when you have a good one.
Just in case anyone reading this ever gets the chance to be a preceptor. I'll give you a few tips.
Communicate well. Don't antagonize or baby your shadow. Speak directly and give directions. The person is shadowing you because they've never done what you're doing before. Teach them the BEST way to do something, not the way you do it or the fastest way. Do things according to the hosptial's policy. Explain as you go, or explain before and let them do it. Always be encouraging. And number one rule I would say. Don't ever leave them alone.
Not that I'm ranting for a particular reason.
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
I'm finding myself at a loss for... compassion?
Here's a bit of an interesting article.
It talks about nurses losing their compassion within two years of working. Eep. That's not long.
I can understand where it's coming from. From a conversation earlier with another Student Nurse friend. She's claiming the need to take the summer completely off and not look for work until August.
Of course I was shocked. 1) How would she survive her student loans without a job and 2) Was this even an option?
It makes sense though. We are all so burned out from school (and I thought it might just be our school) but we really don't give much of a care about what happens. Through school I was conditioned to just get it done, because then it's over. Oh sure I started all nice nice and wanting to do well and wanting to be this nice awesome person for all those sick and afflicted but after I got my face handed to me for not getting some things perfect academically or "professionally" I stopped caring so much and started focusing on getting things over with.
I guess it transfers over.
When too much red tape or poor politics get involved people just want to get things done and on with their lives. Same with nursing. It can turn into a job that one hates, really, really fast.
Think about it.
You're dealing with sick, most of the time, stupid and lazy people. Being an intelligent, diligent, hard working nurse (because you HAVE to be) this will grate on your nerves after a while. Then, if you have to deal with ego-complexed doctors who make it their life's goal to prove how superior they are things only get worse. Add the administration hounding you about cutting costs, and infection control harping about safety and you have a good summation of just the bare facts of how annoying things can get. (Not to mention short staffing, working holidays, interpersonal conflicts or all the poo and vomit.)
After a while you depersonalize just so you can "go to work."
This is why I am so stoked to have the job I have. I love it there. They are so supportive. I can tell this won't become just a job to me. Knowing I am analytically minded I constantly have to bring the "human" element back into my care. It takes conscious effort, but that is, as my favorite professor and all time genius Deb Savinske said, "That's the ART and SCIENCE of nursing."
It talks about nurses losing their compassion within two years of working. Eep. That's not long.
I can understand where it's coming from. From a conversation earlier with another Student Nurse friend. She's claiming the need to take the summer completely off and not look for work until August.
Of course I was shocked. 1) How would she survive her student loans without a job and 2) Was this even an option?
It makes sense though. We are all so burned out from school (and I thought it might just be our school) but we really don't give much of a care about what happens. Through school I was conditioned to just get it done, because then it's over. Oh sure I started all nice nice and wanting to do well and wanting to be this nice awesome person for all those sick and afflicted but after I got my face handed to me for not getting some things perfect academically or "professionally" I stopped caring so much and started focusing on getting things over with.
I guess it transfers over.
When too much red tape or poor politics get involved people just want to get things done and on with their lives. Same with nursing. It can turn into a job that one hates, really, really fast.
Think about it.
You're dealing with sick, most of the time, stupid and lazy people. Being an intelligent, diligent, hard working nurse (because you HAVE to be) this will grate on your nerves after a while. Then, if you have to deal with ego-complexed doctors who make it their life's goal to prove how superior they are things only get worse. Add the administration hounding you about cutting costs, and infection control harping about safety and you have a good summation of just the bare facts of how annoying things can get. (Not to mention short staffing, working holidays, interpersonal conflicts or all the poo and vomit.)
After a while you depersonalize just so you can "go to work."
This is why I am so stoked to have the job I have. I love it there. They are so supportive. I can tell this won't become just a job to me. Knowing I am analytically minded I constantly have to bring the "human" element back into my care. It takes conscious effort, but that is, as my favorite professor and all time genius Deb Savinske said, "That's the ART and SCIENCE of nursing."
Another one bites the dust
Yay! Finished another clinical day. One more to go then done!!
Today was much better than last week. I had a great preceptor. See, who you're stuck with makes all the difference. I've had a different preceptor each week at clinicals. I'm the only one on my floor who has this problem. Sigh. Whatev~
Not that I terribly enjoyed my day, but it was better than normal. I caught some med errors and showed my nurse a cool trick I learned in the ER with tubes and air.
If you've got a bag that ran dry (therefore sucking air halfway down the tube) and you're going to hang a new bag, spike the new bag, pinch below a port, hook up a syringe and draw the air out into the syringe. If you've got some fluids in there, pull them out too. Then (now, pinching above the port) push the fluids back into the patient. Ta-da! Air in line fixed.
Wow, that makes me want to start a webcast of cool nursing tricks I've picked up...
I don't want to start on my paperwork now, and it's a really pretty day.
For now I think I'll change into shorts and go for a bike ride.
Maybe more, and more important stuff later. I've got some UV rays to absorb!
Today was much better than last week. I had a great preceptor. See, who you're stuck with makes all the difference. I've had a different preceptor each week at clinicals. I'm the only one on my floor who has this problem. Sigh. Whatev~
Not that I terribly enjoyed my day, but it was better than normal. I caught some med errors and showed my nurse a cool trick I learned in the ER with tubes and air.
If you've got a bag that ran dry (therefore sucking air halfway down the tube) and you're going to hang a new bag, spike the new bag, pinch below a port, hook up a syringe and draw the air out into the syringe. If you've got some fluids in there, pull them out too. Then (now, pinching above the port) push the fluids back into the patient. Ta-da! Air in line fixed.
Wow, that makes me want to start a webcast of cool nursing tricks I've picked up...
I don't want to start on my paperwork now, and it's a really pretty day.
For now I think I'll change into shorts and go for a bike ride.
Maybe more, and more important stuff later. I've got some UV rays to absorb!
Monday, April 20, 2009
April is almost over.
Ta-da!
Sigma Theta Tau- Lambda Theta chapter new inductees! BabyOrthoNurse (blogger) is not pictured. I don't know where she was, but she's in it too. I had to wait to get this photo from my dad but, we look a bit like a cell phone commercial, with our vertical assent.
Another day in the ER. Just three days left of my Externship. Wow, it's gone too fast. I'm a little scared to think that in a month I'll be an Intern and have more responsibility and autonomy, but I'm looking forward to it.
Today, I felt was a blah day. I didn't feel like I was at my best. However, at the end of the day my preceptor (Jacob) asked me how I felt. So I was honest. So was she. She took me aside and said that she felt today was one of my best days. I was more autonomous, had more patients, prioritized them well, etc. Really boosted my confidence. Looking back, she was right. I did a lot on my own. It's just a little fragmented because we'll both do things separate so I don't get that entire flow in my head. I reported to a nurse on another floor for the first time. I'd never called report before and for some reason I was terrified. We got really busy and I just decided to do it on my own. Then I took them upstairs on my own. I was scared but... I did it. So there.
My only regret is that my batting average is going way down. I've missed so many IVs recently. They keep blowing or missing, all these old people I'm getting. I can't get a good stick in any of them. It will just take getting my confidence back. I mean, after all I started a 16 g in someone a week ago and that went just fine.
I'll never see another man as happy to tell me he has brain cancer as a patient I had today. He was so excited about it too...
In other news, one of my favorite podcasts is back (or at least I remembered to update)
The PUSCAST.
If you don't listen to Mark Crislip you should. He's funny, sarcastic, and provides excellent reviews of infectious disease literature. He's got a blog I should look into now that I'm doing this whole blogging thing myself.
I came home today to find a small box on the desk with my name on it.
Ewiggen likes to get things for free online.
Today he gave me two sets of Magic the Gathering Cards... Random, but thanks.
Sigma Theta Tau- Lambda Theta chapter new inductees! BabyOrthoNurse (blogger) is not pictured. I don't know where she was, but she's in it too. I had to wait to get this photo from my dad but, we look a bit like a cell phone commercial, with our vertical assent.
Another day in the ER. Just three days left of my Externship. Wow, it's gone too fast. I'm a little scared to think that in a month I'll be an Intern and have more responsibility and autonomy, but I'm looking forward to it.
Today, I felt was a blah day. I didn't feel like I was at my best. However, at the end of the day my preceptor (Jacob) asked me how I felt. So I was honest. So was she. She took me aside and said that she felt today was one of my best days. I was more autonomous, had more patients, prioritized them well, etc. Really boosted my confidence. Looking back, she was right. I did a lot on my own. It's just a little fragmented because we'll both do things separate so I don't get that entire flow in my head. I reported to a nurse on another floor for the first time. I'd never called report before and for some reason I was terrified. We got really busy and I just decided to do it on my own. Then I took them upstairs on my own. I was scared but... I did it. So there.
My only regret is that my batting average is going way down. I've missed so many IVs recently. They keep blowing or missing, all these old people I'm getting. I can't get a good stick in any of them. It will just take getting my confidence back. I mean, after all I started a 16 g in someone a week ago and that went just fine.
I'll never see another man as happy to tell me he has brain cancer as a patient I had today. He was so excited about it too...
In other news, one of my favorite podcasts is back (or at least I remembered to update)
The PUSCAST.
If you don't listen to Mark Crislip you should. He's funny, sarcastic, and provides excellent reviews of infectious disease literature. He's got a blog I should look into now that I'm doing this whole blogging thing myself.
I came home today to find a small box on the desk with my name on it.
Ewiggen likes to get things for free online.Today he gave me two sets of Magic the Gathering Cards... Random, but thanks.
One more picture and side note.
This is Spock.
He will soon be MY KITTEH! I have wanted a kitten ever since I had to put my two cats to sleep a few years back. Now I finally have the chance. Ewiggen and I have been talking about this a long time. I am so excited. I can hardly wait to take him home. Sunday the 26th... So happy.
This is Spock.Sunday, April 19, 2009
Late Entry #2- Saturday the 18th
I normally wouldn't post about nursing on a Saturday. I haven't worked Saturdays in a while, but I have great news.
Yesterday I was inducted into SIGMA THETA TAU!
It's an international Nursing Honor Society. They only took the top 1/3 of our class, (in a class of 38 that's amazing for me) and we had to have a least a 3.0 GPA. Man, oh man.
Honestly, I've wanted this ever since I started nursing school. I went and researched a bunch of stuff. Being interested mostly in research I found that Sigma Theta Tau was the group to join. I worked so hard and when I got that first "B" I of course was devastated and mentally took my self out of the running. I also thought it was awarded to you your junior year and when that came and went, I changed my career mentality. But I was WRONG! Never so happy to be wrong!
Yay! I did it! I'm in! So happy... sigh.
My Dad has photos, so uploads later.
I almost missed it though. Recovering from the night before (see previous post) I slept until my husband's alarm went off at 830. Eep, the induction started at 900. I have never looked so good in such a short amount of time. So, I made it. On time even. There were poster presentations set up and I read a few interesting bits of research I believe mostly the sophomore prenursing majors were doing. (I'll never understand why they make you take nursing research before you learn anything about nursing. Shrug.) I made idle chit-chat with those at my table, previous members. (I was the only inductee at my place) We discussed my plans post graduation. It's been fuzzy to me as EWiggen and I have waited to hear from MedSchool, but basically. Work the ER, get some good experience, go on to get my Masters at least. Probably be a nurse practitioner/educator. (I love students. I worked with the juniors as much as I could) My original plan was to get a Ph.D and be a research scientist. Etc. Etc. Etc. That sort of conversation
Later I learned, my parents selected the brainiac table to sit at. I was unaware until after it was all over I was sitting with our speaker, the chapter president, and various other nurses with Ph.Ds. Oh, I've never been so embarrassed. Somehow looking back on the conversations, I must have sounded like I had no idea what I was doing, but boy am I excited about it.
Our speaker had a great little presentation on the future of nursing education. Computerized, online, that sort of thing. She had done research into the best way to teach and learn with computers for nurses. It was fun to hear people encourage others to use technology, learn how to blog (me, right now) listen and create podcasts (next project) get out and on twitter and facebook (I'm there!), be connected to your communities. All of them. It made me happy. Again, I had a realization of why I love this and what I want for my life.
Plus, I got a rose.
The rest of the day was unrelated to nursing. Making jewelry with my Mom and Grandma for my brother's wedding. Going out to a fantastic restaurant with my husbands grandparents. It was hectic, but nothing to bore you with at this point.
Yesterday I was inducted into SIGMA THETA TAU!
It's an international Nursing Honor Society. They only took the top 1/3 of our class, (in a class of 38 that's amazing for me) and we had to have a least a 3.0 GPA. Man, oh man.
Honestly, I've wanted this ever since I started nursing school. I went and researched a bunch of stuff. Being interested mostly in research I found that Sigma Theta Tau was the group to join. I worked so hard and when I got that first "B" I of course was devastated and mentally took my self out of the running. I also thought it was awarded to you your junior year and when that came and went, I changed my career mentality. But I was WRONG! Never so happy to be wrong!
Yay! I did it! I'm in! So happy... sigh.
My Dad has photos, so uploads later.
I almost missed it though. Recovering from the night before (see previous post) I slept until my husband's alarm went off at 830. Eep, the induction started at 900. I have never looked so good in such a short amount of time. So, I made it. On time even. There were poster presentations set up and I read a few interesting bits of research I believe mostly the sophomore prenursing majors were doing. (I'll never understand why they make you take nursing research before you learn anything about nursing. Shrug.) I made idle chit-chat with those at my table, previous members. (I was the only inductee at my place) We discussed my plans post graduation. It's been fuzzy to me as EWiggen and I have waited to hear from MedSchool, but basically. Work the ER, get some good experience, go on to get my Masters at least. Probably be a nurse practitioner/educator. (I love students. I worked with the juniors as much as I could) My original plan was to get a Ph.D and be a research scientist. Etc. Etc. Etc. That sort of conversation
Later I learned, my parents selected the brainiac table to sit at. I was unaware until after it was all over I was sitting with our speaker, the chapter president, and various other nurses with Ph.Ds. Oh, I've never been so embarrassed. Somehow looking back on the conversations, I must have sounded like I had no idea what I was doing, but boy am I excited about it.
Our speaker had a great little presentation on the future of nursing education. Computerized, online, that sort of thing. She had done research into the best way to teach and learn with computers for nurses. It was fun to hear people encourage others to use technology, learn how to blog (me, right now) listen and create podcasts (next project) get out and on twitter and facebook (I'm there!), be connected to your communities. All of them. It made me happy. Again, I had a realization of why I love this and what I want for my life.
Plus, I got a rose.
The rest of the day was unrelated to nursing. Making jewelry with my Mom and Grandma for my brother's wedding. Going out to a fantastic restaurant with my husbands grandparents. It was hectic, but nothing to bore you with at this point.
Late Entry#1- Friday the 17th
Oops, busy busy busy.
Ordinarily I would let a few days slide, just because maybe enough cool stuff didn't happen. However, this was not the case. Friday was a cool day.
In my externship, I've primarily been working on the trauma side of the ER. Today (er, Friday) I got my first taste of the ED.
Compared to my old floor (med-surg) you move patients a lot faster in trauma, compared to the ED you get them going fast! They are in and out within hours, if all is going well. I really liked it. This is a good thing. I was enjoying trauma so much I was scared that if I ever had to work ED all my love for this department would fail. Just because it was different. However, not the case. It was yet again great. Even as I sat there doing the umptenth pelvic exam, holding a cup to catch baseball sized clots as they fell out of this woman, I knew I was where I wanted to be doing what I loved to do.
Let me illuminate a few more of the nurses I'm working with. (They're all fantastic!)
My preceptor for Friday (and a few days prior) was (fake name alert) Jacob. There are too many examples of how great a teacher and a preceptor she is. I was gaining a lot of confidence and took a few things on my own. She hadn't worked with me in a while but after she saw me in action she let me go. It was great. Very nice not to have someone breathing down my neck for once, (not that she ever did, see previous post.)
Anyway, one funny story that relaxed me about nursing.
One of our patients had a bad IV so we needed to place a new one and give her some meds through it. As an extern I can't pass meds. So I went to discharge someone else. Jacob comes out later redder than a tomato and relays this story.
I was just in there doing my thing, talking away like I normally do. Put the second IV in, pushed the med and took the IV out. Not even realizing I took the good one out and left the bad one. The husband looked at me and with a laugh asked. "Is that what you call an IV?" I was so embarrised.
Ah well, at least the baby nurse (me) knows that mistakes happen, even to the best of nurses.
I'd like to tell you about how awesome our Patient Care Manager is but I don't think there's time before I bored you all to death, however, know it's coming. I'll call her Zepham and she is simply amazing. She's not one of those, "keeps my schedule the way I like it" amazing. Even though she does that. She's amazing in her attitude, her spirit, how funny she is, and her bluntness. She's a great role model to have, and I've added her to my list.
And in other news.
I finally went out and had some drinks with my nursing friends. These students are great and I will only miss them if I lose contact with them, something I'm hoping not to do. I was driving home and recieved a phone call asking me if I wanted to go out with them. So I did.
We had a blast. The only bad part was I had just gotten off 12 hours so I was getting really tired by 10pm. By 11:30 I was beat tired, slightly glazed over and not doing much. Whatever they thought I was thinking, I was not bored but having one of the times of my life.
What is really funny is, as we were sitting there, enjoying the music and each other we saw a group of the class below us (juniors) come in. Most dressed high heels, short (very short) skirts, and probably already a little intoxicated. Our jaws dropped. Things must be a heck of a lot easier for them, because this was one of the first times we ever got to go out and we graduate in 3 weeks. I'm so glad I was on the committee that made their life easier. (I'm just a little bitter, they have no idea what we went through to get things managable for them. Sometimes a few of them can be jerks about it.)
Ah well, que sera, sera. Not much you can do about it.
Ordinarily I would let a few days slide, just because maybe enough cool stuff didn't happen. However, this was not the case. Friday was a cool day.
In my externship, I've primarily been working on the trauma side of the ER. Today (er, Friday) I got my first taste of the ED.
Compared to my old floor (med-surg) you move patients a lot faster in trauma, compared to the ED you get them going fast! They are in and out within hours, if all is going well. I really liked it. This is a good thing. I was enjoying trauma so much I was scared that if I ever had to work ED all my love for this department would fail. Just because it was different. However, not the case. It was yet again great. Even as I sat there doing the umptenth pelvic exam, holding a cup to catch baseball sized clots as they fell out of this woman, I knew I was where I wanted to be doing what I loved to do.
Let me illuminate a few more of the nurses I'm working with. (They're all fantastic!)
My preceptor for Friday (and a few days prior) was (fake name alert) Jacob. There are too many examples of how great a teacher and a preceptor she is. I was gaining a lot of confidence and took a few things on my own. She hadn't worked with me in a while but after she saw me in action she let me go. It was great. Very nice not to have someone breathing down my neck for once, (not that she ever did, see previous post.)
Anyway, one funny story that relaxed me about nursing.
One of our patients had a bad IV so we needed to place a new one and give her some meds through it. As an extern I can't pass meds. So I went to discharge someone else. Jacob comes out later redder than a tomato and relays this story.
I was just in there doing my thing, talking away like I normally do. Put the second IV in, pushed the med and took the IV out. Not even realizing I took the good one out and left the bad one. The husband looked at me and with a laugh asked. "Is that what you call an IV?" I was so embarrised.
Ah well, at least the baby nurse (me) knows that mistakes happen, even to the best of nurses.
I'd like to tell you about how awesome our Patient Care Manager is but I don't think there's time before I bored you all to death, however, know it's coming. I'll call her Zepham and she is simply amazing. She's not one of those, "keeps my schedule the way I like it" amazing. Even though she does that. She's amazing in her attitude, her spirit, how funny she is, and her bluntness. She's a great role model to have, and I've added her to my list.
And in other news.I finally went out and had some drinks with my nursing friends. These students are great and I will only miss them if I lose contact with them, something I'm hoping not to do. I was driving home and recieved a phone call asking me if I wanted to go out with them. So I did.
We had a blast. The only bad part was I had just gotten off 12 hours so I was getting really tired by 10pm. By 11:30 I was beat tired, slightly glazed over and not doing much. Whatever they thought I was thinking, I was not bored but having one of the times of my life.
What is really funny is, as we were sitting there, enjoying the music and each other we saw a group of the class below us (juniors) come in. Most dressed high heels, short (very short) skirts, and probably already a little intoxicated. Our jaws dropped. Things must be a heck of a lot easier for them, because this was one of the first times we ever got to go out and we graduate in 3 weeks. I'm so glad I was on the committee that made their life easier. (I'm just a little bitter, they have no idea what we went through to get things managable for them. Sometimes a few of them can be jerks about it.)
Ah well, que sera, sera. Not much you can do about it.
Thursday, April 16, 2009
Again,
I'm tired. It happens a lot, however this time it's not physical exhaustion.
I'm tired of being controlled. It seems that everytime I try to do something there's another ring to jump through. Maybe school is finally getting to me but I'm tired of all of it.
I turned in one of my last papers and did my final project today. It's really winding down now, but I still feel trapped.
I tried to have a rational conversation with my husband and instead it turned into a failed conversation. He's really defensive about something and I can't figure out what. It's making me result to emotional tactics. Something I am strongly against.
I don't have many moments to myself and I feel like I am losing even those. I still don't feel like I have control of my life. Mostly I believe it's my fault. I give into a lot of simple demands. I think I give up on my own time too easily. But I do it to help the people around me. It makes me feel selfish if someone asks me for something and I say no.
Like running. I used to run a lot, everyday at least. I gave that up because it was cutting into time I could spend with my husband. I used to run first thing in the morning, but I would have to wake up so early. I was falling alseep earlier and earlier and not getting to see my husband at all.
At this point I only wish I had a friend I could call and explain all this to. Someone who would help me analyze whats going on and help me find a solution.
Most worthless post evar!
I'm tired. It happens a lot, however this time it's not physical exhaustion.
I'm tired of being controlled. It seems that everytime I try to do something there's another ring to jump through. Maybe school is finally getting to me but I'm tired of all of it.
I turned in one of my last papers and did my final project today. It's really winding down now, but I still feel trapped.
I tried to have a rational conversation with my husband and instead it turned into a failed conversation. He's really defensive about something and I can't figure out what. It's making me result to emotional tactics. Something I am strongly against.
I don't have many moments to myself and I feel like I am losing even those. I still don't feel like I have control of my life. Mostly I believe it's my fault. I give into a lot of simple demands. I think I give up on my own time too easily. But I do it to help the people around me. It makes me feel selfish if someone asks me for something and I say no.
Like running. I used to run a lot, everyday at least. I gave that up because it was cutting into time I could spend with my husband. I used to run first thing in the morning, but I would have to wake up so early. I was falling alseep earlier and earlier and not getting to see my husband at all.
At this point I only wish I had a friend I could call and explain all this to. Someone who would help me analyze whats going on and help me find a solution.
Most worthless post evar!
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Clinicals
There are a million things I would like to do with my life.
They're probably simple common things that everyone wishes to do in their lifetime.
None of them occur when I'm in clinical.
For those of you who are lucky enough not to be nursing students, clinical is where you work in the hospital or community setting with your instructors breathing down your neck. I've never felt like clinical sucked before now. But, heck it must be senoritis or something, I cannot get motivated to be there. There's nothing wrong with waking up at 5am for school, I've done it most of my life. Maybe thats one reason why I chose nursing. So that's not it. Its not the high pressure from the instructors, I'm fine with that. It's feeling like I have nothing to do and no reason to be there. Somehow I feel like my hands are bound when I'm in clinical. I don't have access to half the things I need to be a good nurse to my patients. The hospital we have clinicals in now (we rotate being A university that is not associated with a particular hospital) is mostly computerized charting and completely computerized medicine records (EMARs.) Well, student mode of the computer doesn't allow access to past records, and we don't get to use the EMARs (little walmart scanner-like things) because we didn't get trained on them.
So essentially, on a med-surg floor. It's pointless. I can't give meds without another nurse, and I can't read histories without access. Bah.
I feel terrible but when I'm at clinicals I wonder why I chose nursing. I've never come up with a good answer (a real one that's not cheesy) and clinicals make it that much harder.
Moving on.
I turned my portfolio into the department today. It's a 5 inch binder with every piece of paper I've ever touched in nursing school. Our University seems to think it will help us get jobs if we take it into our interviews to show them how competent we are. I wonder how many evidenced-based papers I'll be WRITING with my Bachelors... Alas, being a sarcastic, people pleaser, I took it to my ER interview. What do you know? I got the job. Back to the portfolio, if they don't have a record of it, I don't get to graduate. Ha ha, I hear that so often from the school. It will be odd once I don't have those words in the back of my head.
Happy news.
I'm sitting outside on the dinky porch that's barely attached to my cheap apartment building. I'm barefoot and happy breathing in the sunshine. I don't see the sun much. Already genetically pale (cursed Irish genes) I enjoy every chance to be outside. So Tuesdays suck because of clinical, but I get out by 3pm and that means 4 hours of sunlight!
I sort of fell asleep reading Cory Doctorow's Little Brother and got a sunburn. (BTW I am a HUGE fan of Doctorow, anyone who publishes under Creative Commons now days is for the win in my book. http://craphound.com/) If you've never read him, do it. This book (downloaded on my iphone courtesy of Stanza) is amazing. It really makes me appreciate my life and want to build dorky techy things all at the same time.
Enough plugging. I think I'll work on something else now, but not my clinical paper work. Not yet.
They're probably simple common things that everyone wishes to do in their lifetime.
None of them occur when I'm in clinical.
For those of you who are lucky enough not to be nursing students, clinical is where you work in the hospital or community setting with your instructors breathing down your neck. I've never felt like clinical sucked before now. But, heck it must be senoritis or something, I cannot get motivated to be there. There's nothing wrong with waking up at 5am for school, I've done it most of my life. Maybe thats one reason why I chose nursing. So that's not it. Its not the high pressure from the instructors, I'm fine with that. It's feeling like I have nothing to do and no reason to be there. Somehow I feel like my hands are bound when I'm in clinical. I don't have access to half the things I need to be a good nurse to my patients. The hospital we have clinicals in now (we rotate being A university that is not associated with a particular hospital) is mostly computerized charting and completely computerized medicine records (EMARs.) Well, student mode of the computer doesn't allow access to past records, and we don't get to use the EMARs (little walmart scanner-like things) because we didn't get trained on them.
So essentially, on a med-surg floor. It's pointless. I can't give meds without another nurse, and I can't read histories without access. Bah.
I feel terrible but when I'm at clinicals I wonder why I chose nursing. I've never come up with a good answer (a real one that's not cheesy) and clinicals make it that much harder.
Moving on.
I turned my portfolio into the department today. It's a 5 inch binder with every piece of paper I've ever touched in nursing school. Our University seems to think it will help us get jobs if we take it into our interviews to show them how competent we are. I wonder how many evidenced-based papers I'll be WRITING with my Bachelors... Alas, being a sarcastic, people pleaser, I took it to my ER interview. What do you know? I got the job. Back to the portfolio, if they don't have a record of it, I don't get to graduate. Ha ha, I hear that so often from the school. It will be odd once I don't have those words in the back of my head.
Happy news.
I'm sitting outside on the dinky porch that's barely attached to my cheap apartment building. I'm barefoot and happy breathing in the sunshine. I don't see the sun much. Already genetically pale (cursed Irish genes) I enjoy every chance to be outside. So Tuesdays suck because of clinical, but I get out by 3pm and that means 4 hours of sunlight!
I sort of fell asleep reading Cory Doctorow's Little Brother and got a sunburn. (BTW I am a HUGE fan of Doctorow, anyone who publishes under Creative Commons now days is for the win in my book. http://craphound.com/) If you've never read him, do it. This book (downloaded on my iphone courtesy of Stanza) is amazing. It really makes me appreciate my life and want to build dorky techy things all at the same time.
Enough plugging. I think I'll work on something else now, but not my clinical paper work. Not yet.
Monday the 13th
First, I was exhausted today.
I'm rarely exhausted. I live in a constant state of tired, but rarely am I flat out dry.
Today however...
Let's consider the factors.
Last night I had incredible back pain, still not sure why, but my loving husband decided to be nice and give me a back rub with Icy-Hot. I think we discovered I have an allergy to that product. I eventually had to take another shower just to get that burning sensation to stop. I wear I felt blisters forming.
I also made the mistake of skipping my morning coffee. Some notion of being more "healthy" and limiting my caffeine input.
What a silly notion.
Still even though I felt so worn out today, it was really great.
I'm still in my "Externship" so I haven't graduated nursing school and I am following different nurses on the floor. Today I followed a different nurse than prior. Today was the half-way point in my externship. I am required to work 144 hours. I split this up into 12, 12hour shifts MWF for the month of April. Today was day 6.
I have worked with this nurse before back when I was a PCA working on a medsurg floor. I thought she was pretty dang smart then. However, getting to witness her in her element was such a learning experience. I'll name her Robert.
Back when I was a fresh young Patient Care Assistant (nurse aide) I remember a particularly difficult patient. It wasn't that this patient needed anything, she was just very needy. It drove me crazy, and I did not want to have anything to do with that room. However, once Robert came out of that room after doing her morning assessment. She took me aside and said,
"I don't know what's going on with Mrs. ***, but lets make sure we allow for extra time when we go in there so she doesn't feel abandoned."
This took me aback, I had to really re-examine myself and my motives and priorities. Here I was thinking about the inconvenience this person was being to me and Robert was focused on making sure she felt secure in her environment. Ever since that moment I knew she was a good nurse.
Turns out I was right.
I've seen some pretty crazy things while I've been externing, from nurses ignoring symptoms because it would take more time to chart to writing down every little detail of a patient's assessment so nothing would be left out. However, following Robert was great. True, she moved very fast and never held still, even with how tired I was the day moved fast! She was focused, knowledgeable and teaching me every step of the way.
Best Moment
We had a patient today that tried to kill herself and Robert was so kind to this woman. Later, we were in the elevator together and Robert confessed to me it was like her mother all over again. I was surprised and kind of strangely honored that this "role model" nurse felt like confiding in me that her mother had attempted suicide and how that affected her life.
Normally people in role model positions try to hide all their faults so they can be held up as examples. Robert was completely human with me, and it touched my life. Thanks.
Other things...
Still not quite out of school yet. It's getting really close, and very difficult to do any of my final projects. Our school has a pretty poor policy. If we don't pass a certain test, we don't graduate. Well, a few of my classmates and I worked really hard to get this policy changed. Turns out this policy was based on a class that none of us had, so while the class and curriculum changed the policy remained. We got the policy changed that you had the opportunity to test twice before the hatchet swung. Eight people didn't pass the first time. Then six people didn't pass the second time. It breaks my heart to think that I could go through so much with this group of 38 and not see all of us make it. Another student and I were getting ready to storm the department one more time (professionally, of course) and see what we could do for these last few students.
Luckily, they had already decided to give them one more chance to test and graduate.
I'm writing this part on the 14th, because I fell asleep yesterday, so, lets move on.
I'm rarely exhausted. I live in a constant state of tired, but rarely am I flat out dry.
Today however...
Let's consider the factors.
Last night I had incredible back pain, still not sure why, but my loving husband decided to be nice and give me a back rub with Icy-Hot. I think we discovered I have an allergy to that product. I eventually had to take another shower just to get that burning sensation to stop. I wear I felt blisters forming.
I also made the mistake of skipping my morning coffee. Some notion of being more "healthy" and limiting my caffeine input.
What a silly notion.
Still even though I felt so worn out today, it was really great.
I'm still in my "Externship" so I haven't graduated nursing school and I am following different nurses on the floor. Today I followed a different nurse than prior. Today was the half-way point in my externship. I am required to work 144 hours. I split this up into 12, 12hour shifts MWF for the month of April. Today was day 6.
I have worked with this nurse before back when I was a PCA working on a medsurg floor. I thought she was pretty dang smart then. However, getting to witness her in her element was such a learning experience. I'll name her Robert.
Back when I was a fresh young Patient Care Assistant (nurse aide) I remember a particularly difficult patient. It wasn't that this patient needed anything, she was just very needy. It drove me crazy, and I did not want to have anything to do with that room. However, once Robert came out of that room after doing her morning assessment. She took me aside and said,
"I don't know what's going on with Mrs. ***, but lets make sure we allow for extra time when we go in there so she doesn't feel abandoned."
This took me aback, I had to really re-examine myself and my motives and priorities. Here I was thinking about the inconvenience this person was being to me and Robert was focused on making sure she felt secure in her environment. Ever since that moment I knew she was a good nurse.
Turns out I was right.
I've seen some pretty crazy things while I've been externing, from nurses ignoring symptoms because it would take more time to chart to writing down every little detail of a patient's assessment so nothing would be left out. However, following Robert was great. True, she moved very fast and never held still, even with how tired I was the day moved fast! She was focused, knowledgeable and teaching me every step of the way.
Best Moment
We had a patient today that tried to kill herself and Robert was so kind to this woman. Later, we were in the elevator together and Robert confessed to me it was like her mother all over again. I was surprised and kind of strangely honored that this "role model" nurse felt like confiding in me that her mother had attempted suicide and how that affected her life.
Normally people in role model positions try to hide all their faults so they can be held up as examples. Robert was completely human with me, and it touched my life. Thanks.
Other things...
Still not quite out of school yet. It's getting really close, and very difficult to do any of my final projects. Our school has a pretty poor policy. If we don't pass a certain test, we don't graduate. Well, a few of my classmates and I worked really hard to get this policy changed. Turns out this policy was based on a class that none of us had, so while the class and curriculum changed the policy remained. We got the policy changed that you had the opportunity to test twice before the hatchet swung. Eight people didn't pass the first time. Then six people didn't pass the second time. It breaks my heart to think that I could go through so much with this group of 38 and not see all of us make it. Another student and I were getting ready to storm the department one more time (professionally, of course) and see what we could do for these last few students.
Luckily, they had already decided to give them one more chance to test and graduate.
I'm writing this part on the 14th, because I fell asleep yesterday, so, lets move on.
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